From skresal@mondrian.CSUFresno.EDU Thu Jul 28 14:06:57 1994
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From: skresal@mondrian.CSUFresno.EDU (Shawn Kresal)
Subject: Re: Computer Virii (Virus) Jokes Needed
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Date: Tue, 26 Jul 1994 21:40:25 GMT
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LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS :  Turns your hard drive into a 3.5" floppy


FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS : Divides your hard disk into
hundreds of little units, each of which do practically
nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important
part of the computer.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS : Their is sumthing rong with yor
compueter, ewe just can't figyour out watt.

GALLUP VIRUS : Sixty percent of the PCs infected will
lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus
or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

PAUL REVERE VIRUS : This revolutionary virus does not
horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk
attack---once if by LAN,twice if by C:.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS : Never calls itself a "virus",
but instead refers to itself as an "electronic
microorganism".

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS : Won't allow you to delete a file,
regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a
file, it requires you to first see a counselor about
possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS : Activates every component in your
system, just before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS : It would be a great virus, but it
refuses to run.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS : Your 200MB hard drive suddenly
shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS : Every three minutes it tells you what great
service you are getting.

THE MCI VIRUS : Every three minutes it reminds you that
you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

TED TURNER VIRUS : Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS : Terminates and stays
resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS : Prevents your system from spawning any
child processes without joining into a binary network.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS : Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS : Probably harmless, but it makes
a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

George Bush Virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't
get rid of it until November.

Ted Kennedy Virus: Crashes your computer but denies
it ever happened.

* Anita Hill Virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

* Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your
files for 75 years.

* Jerry Brown Virus: Blanks your screen and begins
flashing an 800 number.

* David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

* Congress Virus: Overdraws your computer.

* Paul Tsongas Virus: Pops up on December 25 and says,
"I'm not Santa Claus."

* Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the
extreme right of your screen.

* Dan Quayle Virus: Forces your computer to play "PGA
TOUR" from 10:00am to 4:00pm six days a week.

* Bill Clinton Virus: This virus mutates from region to
region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

* Richard Nixon Virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick
Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

* Ross Perot Virus: Same as Jerry Brown virus, only
nicer fonts are used and it appears to have a lot more
money and reality put into its development.


		Shawn

